I was you, I was a the Overthinking Woman.
I was raised by a single mother, and no father in the picture. I knew who he was, but he chose to not be a part of my life. This of course created a number of issues for me. I decided to take matters into my own hands, and made the best mistakes of my life. I decided to take charge. I became the Overthinking Woman.
Fast forward a couple of years, I was married at age 19 and divorced at 22. In that time, I also joined the military and took on that venture. When got to my first assignment, I got into another relationship that ended in a broken engagement. It was 2016 I went on my first combat deployment, and fell in love and got dumped for the last time. I didn’t realize how much of a difference it would make, but that was when I reached the breaking point- I had my heart broken for the first and last time.
Some would call what I went through the “Dark Night of The Soul.” It was a huge emotional undertaking. I spent plenty of nights crying, wondering when the end of this upheaval would come. I took a personal sabbatical and got out of the military. I went on a deployment to the scariest part of the worlds with the Special Forces as a Combat Interpreter. I faced some very terrifying moments, lost a couple friends, and found myself. During these deployments, I spent quite a bit of time with myself, and with men of extraordinary caliber. I observed them in their natural habitat ( I was often one of a couple females, but usually the only one). This year of my life I had the luxury of minimal comforts, rough living conditions, little privacy, and all the time in the world to work on myself.
I was in a combat monastery, and I became enlightened.
During this time reflected on my past. Why was so unhappy? What could I do to fix things?
I could have blamed my father for his unavailability, my mother for her shortcomings, my upbringing and culture for its inadequacies, or the emotional unavailability of the partners that I attracted. I don’t- I accepted my past, and realized the real issue was ME. The only person that could Unfuck Myself was ME. I was fucking everything up by doing too much.